"plan"

I have babies on the mind.

 Baby J, 2 days old.

Not sure when or how that happened, but all of a sudden there's a little baby fever around here. Probably because I'm watching my sister's cute bump grow, and just heard my cousin is going to have a girl (yay!) and now we are headed into the hit-push-pinch-scratch-bite phase and it's already a little overwhelming. So I suppose I just miss my sweet little cuddly baby.

There are several things stopping me. One is, I think I'd be more suited to two children when J is a little older, maybe four or five?

I think that and then I remember how ridiculous it is to make a "plan" as if I'll just take out my IUD and get pregnant. Ha! So the second thing is that I'm not ready for infertility again. I'm not ready for another possible five years of unknown, or feeling hope draining out with every pregnancy test I take. Someday I might be. Someday I might just decide that the time doesn't matter. J can be 12 and have a little brother or sister on the way for all I care, but right now I'm not prepared to let the sadness of constant disappointment creep back into our little family.

The third thing is something I didn't even realize until a friend of mine said something very insightful. She asked if we were going to have another soon and I kind of shrugged it off. Then she said, "You know, not every birth is the same."

Screeching halt.

I immediately felt all the pain (emotional, not physical) of Johnny's birth come sweeping back into my heart. I haven't thought about it in a long time, but as I do now I can feel my heart start to beat faster and am becoming a little light-headed...

I didn't know it hurt so much- I wasn't letting it. But I was certainly 'shrugging off' the thought of doing it all over again. Trauma is something I've never had to deal with. There's been sadness and loss but never such a feeling as this that I'm finally allowing myself to acknowledge.

And so there it is: Fear... of the unknown (this month? maybe THIS month?!), of disappointment (nope, not this month... again), of emotional pain. I've always been proud of the way I've dealt with fear in the past but I think this time it may take awhile to move on from it.

I would go into a new pregnancy with all the optimism of the last for sure, and it would probably be much better because I'd be more prepared by default. Just getting to the pregnancy and then through the birth is something I'm not yet looking forward to.

But someday :)

Sunday Sunshine.

It's cold and dreary outside of the house, but inside.....



What an amazing gift his bright smile is!



Waiting.

Ugh. The MAIL is being s-l-o-w!
Waiting on a new charger for my macbook (J shorted out the last one by putting it in his mouth!). Once that gets here I'll be back to photo posting.
Waiting on boxes for dozens of cupcakes that are destined for Weisbaden- hopefully next week.
Waiting on a give-away! (Yayyy!!)

We have to drive almost half an hour one way to check our mail, and I need to drive out that way tomorrow, but I'm resisting a special trip just for the mail today. Ah well, Monday...

On a different note...

I've been thinking about traveling. It's easy here (except for the baby in the car part) but I'm thinking further- like India. Plane tickets are not nearly as expensive from here as they are from the States, so I think that's my new goal; Visit India before we leave Germany. :)


P.s. We had a wonderful (95%) vegan Thanksgiving!! My husband insisted on a turkey roast so I obliged, and my sister made mac and cheese, but I was so happy to see it all come together perfectly and everyone really enjoyed it. Here's to great friends!

30 things.

I was tagged in a post on Facebook, I could post it back on there but I thought it better suited to my blog. So, if you can stand a post with no pictures, here ya go...

Oh, and consider yourself tagged ;>

Things I am/do/believe:

1. Sit in front of the oven window while baking and marvel at chemistry in action.

2. Can't survive without buffalo sauce. My mouth waters at the words. Every. Single. Time.  

3. Wear size 10 1/2-11 shoe, they 'grew' when I got pregnant. 

4. Love immaculate, organized houses but am too wrapped up in other stuff to keep mine like that.

5. Collect friends. Real ones, good ones. I want it to be so that no matter where I go, there is someone there that I love.

6. Wish I was more feminine.. I try but usually it gets tossed aside these days for other things, like trying to get ketchup and saliva out of my favorite fresh clean sweater.

7. I'm an intactivist. There, I said it... Albeit maybe a little more passive than most.

8. Also a lactivist, and definitely not a passive one!

9.  Probably mostly just a human rights activist.

10. Believe animal rights are as important as human rights.

11.  Human and animal rights are why I buy used/handmade clothing (and LOTs of other stuff), don't eat meat, bake/make responsibly and do almost everything I do every single day.

12.  Not religious, but very spiritual in my own gaze-at-the-trees-blowing-in-the-breeze-and-marvel-at-the-Earth sort of way.

13. Having a really hard time coming up with 30 things!

14. Have so far reached and, in some cases, exceeded my goals. Maybe not my original ones but this is far better. Now time for new ones.

15. Think maybe I should start with keeping my house clean and laundry folded. :::yawn:::

16. If you are my friend or family member I probably have an art/sewing project started for you (or your children) that I put down and haven't gotten back to yet. I'm sorry, I love you and will get to it someday. 

17. Don't subscribe to a certain 'style' of parenting. AP, Free Range, Gentle, Hippie... call it what you will it is my style, just like everything else I've ever done.

18. Am nearly an 'official' Dressmaker/Designer. So add that to Tattooist and wannabe Doula?  Makes for one interesting future. 

19. Might mention that at the moment I'm a SAHM and aspiring Un-schooler. 

20. Will someday have a shop with KatieCorn. Preferably on a communal property with several friends.

21. Rarely regret, but sometimes it's necessary for a moment to move on.

22. Gossip is not my bag. In fact, it's anti-good and usually wrong anyway.

23. Don't show it outright very often, but my husband means everything to me. I just think that's kind of obvious since I'm married to him.

24. Have to schedule dog walks or I forget to do it. Super sad.

25. Don't remember much of my childhood/teen/young adult life. Not names, places, times, conversations. I remember the weather, and the colors of houses and cars, the way grass feels and air smells in different parts of the country, peoples' pets, the way food tasted or smelled. My sister and I argue events all the time and I know she is probably always right. Please don't ever take this personal, I'm learning it's just how my brain works.

26. I'm stopping here because my favorite number is 6. And 2 is a multiple of 6 so 26 is a pretty good number. 36 is better, but I'm running out of things to write. 

Giveaway results!

Last week we went through several hours of trying to choose just one photo to give away to you lovely folks. But alas, we just couldn't agree or decide, so had to leave it up to you (oh, darn!).

So, congratulations #22 BRENDA (yay!) who said, "They are all so beautiful! It's very hard to narrow down, but I love the poppy/wheat field and the two doors. She really does do great work."


 Haha, now YOU need to pick one!


May I make a suggestion? ;->

Thanks to everyone who participated! And thank you to Jessica!! You can purchase any of Jessica's art prints through her gallery at any time. 

Be on the lookout for more Handmade Holiday giveaways in the next few weeks. THANK YOU!! Xoxoxoxo!!

Mmmm... Pizza...

I would eat pizza 7 days a week. I'm convinced that it's healthy (at least you could make it so!) and you could also include most or all of the food groups. So there.

Since giving up cheese (I could devote a whole blog post to that alone) it's all I've craved! :( 

I finally found a good recipe for tofu/cashew ricotta so I decided to make a pizza with it- I've spent a couple years experimenting with dough, nothing is ever just right tho. This week I had some naan dough on hand and used that as a crust. Perfection! Johnny and I both gobbled it up!

I really love pizza. No, really. And just for the record, the best pizza I've ever had was in Naples, up in the hills on a beautiful Spring night almost five years ago... sighhh....

Love to our Veterans!

(Husband)

I have to make an entry for Veteran's day! Patriotism and military service run very deep in our family, and I can't help but get all teary-eyed thinking about the sacrifices the millions of men and women have made for our freedom. My two grandfathers, all of my awesome uncles, my one very loved aunt, my amazing dad and now my darling husband have all served. It's an honor to be related to them, and I would go to the ends of the Earth to support them. I have fond memories of meeting my dad's ship, waving flags and cheering for the sailors lined up on deck in perfect form. I've now met my husband coming back from deployment once and was overwhelmed with pride for him in that moment. I am a pacifist and am proud to be married to a soldier (tho he'll be quick to tell you that what he loves the most about his job is the humanitarian aspects!). I'm proud of all the friends we've made and all the people who support on the outskirts, there are so, so many people to just be thankful for.

(Father)

(Grandpa Lincoln)

(Grandpa John)

And let me tell you something, I can't do a post about my family and military without including some military arts and crafts! Ha! How amazing is this? It's a hooked rug made by my great grandmother in 1970:

I love my family.  Thank you!!!
And Aunt Kari, I lifted photos from you! Thank YOU!

Homemade Holidays Giveaway #1!

These past few years I've been leaning towards handmade/recycled gifts and Christmas is no exception. This year will be a special exception in that I'll be making all the gifts I give to use up part of my stash and save money at the same time. 

Hmmm, I imagine a sort of Little House on the Prairie Christmas...

But if I were buying, it would be handmade and small artist goods dominating the tree for sure... In that spirit I'd like to do a series (my first) on homemade holidays and have some giveaways for you (also my first!).

So, without further ado, please let me introduce you to our first giveaway sponsor: 

I had the extreme pleasure of recently meeting a very talented photographer, Jessica Ceason. She lives here in Germany and is a friend of a very lovable (persistent) friend, and now I'm fortunate enough to call her a friend of my own! 

As she explains about herself:

"When I was four years old, I found a camera in my grandmother's China cabinet. I begged her to let me take it home, to no avail. I stared at her, disappointed, wondering how I could convince her. With her legs crossed, she fit cozily in her easy chair, her crochet needle flicking against her long fingernails, "On your 5th birthday" she said with a whisper. My 5th birthday came. The promise, she kept. I haven't stopped taking pictures since.

My grandmother painted with oils. Her paintings were sometimes whimsicle, sometimes scenic, sometimes moody. No two were ever alike. I picked up a paint brush once. My trees were never as straight as hers, my deer never as proportionate. My mood never conveyed. I decided to paint with light instead. I received a compliment recently that was intended to be criticism. I was told that no two of my shoots are alike."

I just love that, paint with light...

This adorable little lady takes some of the prettiest photos I've ever seen. She took our family photos and I couldn't be more in love with them, she has a way of capturing the most perfect moments in the most perfect ways. Her travels have afforded her some classic European shots and her eye offers you an extraordinary perspective.

One of the things I admire about them is the lack of photo-shopping, 99% of it is artist and camera working together in perfect harmony and there is something very simple and beautiful (and old-school) about that.

She will be giving away a canvas art print of your choosing! Just drop by her Art Gallery, have a look around, and leave a comment here letting us know which print you L-O-V-E. A winner will be picked randomly in one week and you will get the photo of your choice!!! I personally like the Irish cows, but that may be a given ;}

I'm excited for the holiday season to begin and even more excited to offer you some really creative and fun giveaways from some amazingly talented people! Thank you for reading and happy commenting! Xoxo! 

(P.s. ANYONE can enter! No friend/family limitations, I love you all!!)

 

Happy.

This past summer my talented husband and Johnny's Opa worked on a sweet little push cart for J's birthday. We got it in the mail from Opa the other day, and it's great! His favorite activities involving it are sitting in it and playing with all of his other toys, and playing with the box it came in. No pushing involved, ha!

But he is walking, boy is he walking! It's like he hit a milestone and broke down several barriers all at once, it's amazing. He talks (A Da! Or 'all done', that's the cutest..) he signs more everyday, he understands an awful lot all of a sudden. I'm not going to lie, it's a little scary as I'm not sure where my baby went. This little boy chased him out of the house like 2.5 seconds after he turned one!

Watching him grow and learn is one of the most rewarding things I've ever been involved with. Today he flipped his lid in the car and started yelling and pointing in excitement at some brightly colored flags in the distance, and then continued to do so the rest of the afternoon any time he saw a flag (and on base there are a lot of flags). It's the first time he's ever showed interest outside of the car, it never really occurred to me that he was ever paying much attention. He also gestured and yelled some nonsense at the dog when I told him to leave the kitchen this evening. He was very stern and Luckie left right away, haha..

Life around here can be so mundane. I hate housework and it's been rainy and the dogs have been difficult and we are trying to adjust to a new way of living life that takes a lot of patience- but all he has to do is attack my leg like a little giggling monkey and everything melts away into the universe and we are just here right now being happy.
To have such a naturally happy child is a real blessing and a perfect reminder to not take things too seriously. :)

Sleep is for wimps.

I'm up way too late, again. It's so worth it though. There is Irish bread in the oven, apple butter on the stove and these in my tummy:

Oh wait, I mean these:

I didn't make them, but the cupcake queen herself, Brenda, made them for her dear husband's birthday... and shared :)

But forget all that, look at this picture my dad took (you can see it in action here): 

It instantly makes me feel like the world is a perfect place. I love my dad. 

I'm exploring new territory tomorrow with him in mind. He's an incredibly social person and I'd like to be that someday, again (I lost it somewhere between the ages of 18 and 23). I'll have a good friend with me but it still makes me extremely nervous. I know there is no reason to be scared about meeting a new bunch of moms but my nerves kick in at the mere thought of being in a room with more than 3 people to begin with, whether I know them or not. (This may explain the lack of sleepiness tonight.)

Breath in, breath out. Eat apple butter on Irish bread for breakfast, enjoy the fall drive to the base, and all will be good with the world. :)

Nom nom.

That happens to be one of the things the J says nowadays, "nom nom nom." Usually while he's snacking on peanut butter crackers. 

Up until now we've only had store-bought crackers because I thought it would be a huge pain to make our own. I was so wrong!

How stinkin' easy! These ones are oat and wheat crackers, they are the heartiest ones I could find,  the recipe is here. Have I ever mentioned how much I love allrecipes.com? I hate wasting time and energy on bad new recipes and the rating system they have makes it pretty easy to pick out the best ones right from the beginning. They were so, so simple and tasty- they taste like Kashi wheat thins, not like cardboard, which is what I was afraid of!

I'm so happy to be baking again (something other than cupcakes anyway!) today it was crackers and naan and tomorrow I'll try Irish wheaten bread.  I'll also be making pumpkin butter in the crock pot, since we didn't get to carve all of our pumpkins in time fore Halloween.