Hey there ol' blog (and all you guys who read it!). I think I'm back, I'm going to try to write more anyway, I'm missing it an awful lot.
I spend a lot of time dreaming of the things I want to do. Lots of planning, lots of thinking, lots of aspirations that most people don't even know about because I never get to them. I feel kind of crappy about that most days, and I don't fully enjoy something when I feel like I can't keep up with the people who do these things really well... like blogging. And tattooing. And being a housewife. Thankfully not being a mother, I love that and don't care how others do it. ;)
I procrastinate... a lot. And I feel bad about it, even though no one ever seems to have much of a problem with it but me. I have so many things I want to learn, a whole back-log of classes I'd like to take or books I'd like to read, but there is always so much in front of those priorities that I rarely get to them.
I have very good intentions. Not such great follow-through. All these things pile up and I get pretty overwhelmed, and then wind up doing not much of anything at all.
The issue here is that when I do get it together, maybe for a week out of each month, I feel like I'm faking it. I do well, I make appointments, do some freelance work, keep a budget and a food plan. We make it to the library more often and I get to yoga class during the evenings. I get plans made for the future and feel really good about my follow-through. But the whole time I'm doing this, although I feel good, I just don't ever feel like 'me'.
Last week, before my first group sewing class, I spent the entire evening before preparing information folders and testing out my class on a friend. I was rushed, and a little disorganized, and very, very nervous... But also very happy and optimistic, and, as usual, I got it all done... and it all went better than I could have imagined. And I was elated, not because I didn't think I could get it all done, but because it had all gone as I had planned. I realized that that is me. I stew and think and put things off, and then I rush around (feeling *extremely* productive and alive) and pull things off just fine, usually better than fine. I apparently work really well under pressure, and I think that's okay. It's just who I am. I'm not type A, that's for sure. Not even type B, I have a hard time truly relaxing...
So anyway, as I was feeling bad for putting everything off again (even though it all got done) I thought, "Wait a minute. This works for me. Why am I feeling bad?" And so I won't feel bad anymore. I won't let it drag me down and suffocate me. I'll just do what I want as it needs to be done, not as I think it *should* be done.
I feel about a thousand times lighter already. Why has this taken me 31 years to figure out? This isn't any different from how I already operate, except that now I will feel less guilty and probably will get more done in the long run. That's my theory, anyway. ;)
Let's just call it spontaneity.
Speaking of spontaneity, we managed to go on our first family camping trip this weekend! We went down to Patagonia Lake state park near the Mexico border. Totally beautiful and totally needed. Chris and I barely bickered (which we tend to do a lot while traveling) and J did amazing. I let him come out to look at the starry sky around 10 p.m. and he was literally aghast. He slept all night in the tent in his own little bed and had a lot of fun exploring and swimming. We are definitely going back down there soon, and I am not even a little afraid to camp with J by myself now!
Our tent, next to the lake.
Patagonia lake, with some buzzards I startled.
One other thing I wanted to write down was just about this blog in general. My life is very different than it was in Germany. Of course nature was a huge part of it there, here it's a bit more difficult to get out and enjoy with the summer heat (and my deathly fear of poisonous snakes/scorpions/spiders). That hasn't stopped us per se, but it has drastically changed the way we spend our time outdoors and the way I've been able to document it. I'm much less inclined to just stop and take photos while letting J wander through the brush. Also, my camera lenses have been broken since we moved here, so I've been stuck with my phone camera, which is less than stellar since it's a Blackberry.
So things have been a little weird for me when it comes to writing here, my focus has been blurry I guess. Not sure where to channel my energies...
For now I'm going to just use my phone photos and edit them in ridiculously 'creative' ways, (who cares if they don't look 'professional'!) and write about what's important to me now. Johnny, of course, and my musings on parenting and Buddhism. Food, as always (if not more! I'm gluten free and vegan now!) and nature every chance I get. Also some work thrown in... sewing and art. :) I also will make an effort to start labeling posts, for easier searching.
Well, you've read this far, so I'll share a treat with you! This is my absolutely favourite thing to eat/drink at the moment. Usually it's a chocolate peanut butter smoothy, but today I added a huge scoop of raspberry jam and made it magical! I've been gluten free for almost 6 weeks and have been seriously craving a pb&j sandwich, but I hate all the gf bread out there. I often substitute this for a whole meal, so I add coconut oil since I'm not worried about fat content, but you can leave that out, obviously. I do think oils such as coconut are essential to a healthy diet though! I make this thin and ice cold and J gulps it down.
- one banana
- 3-4 cubes of frozen, pureed spinach (I do these in ice cube trays and keep them in a ziplock in the freezer.)
- 2-3 tbsp. organic peanut butter
- 2-3 tbsp. jam of your choice
- 2-3 tbsp. cocoa powder
- 1-2 tsp. chia seeds
- 1 tbsp. coconut oil
- alt milk (almond, coconut, soy, ect.) to just cover all ingredients in the blender
- a small handful of ice cubes
- dates, maple syrup or agave to sweeten to taste (the jam does a pretty good job of this)
Just toss all of this into a good blender and blend until smooth. I usually add the ice cubes after everything is blended and then blend again, that keeps it nice and cold. This makes easily 2 servings. I've kept it in the fridge overnight and it was just as good the next day.
So there ya go, a little of everything! Glad you're still here. ;)